Most people who knew me four years ago or hear me talk about my life and actions back then say they don’t recognize me now and I’m really glad of that. Four years ago when I found sex blogs and kink I was really naive and dumb. I thought if I read it on the internet it must be true.
Did I mention how naive and dumb I was?
I thought if someone labeled themselves as a Dom then they must be and that they must know what they were doing.
Did I mention how naive and dumb I was?
I stupidly got involved with the wrong person and ignored all the warning bells going off in my head. When they told me I needed to bring them bourbon each time we met as part of a Dom/sub thing who was I to question that it was fucked up. They were the ‘experienced Dom’ and knew better. Right?
Have we established the fact that I was dumb and naive at the time?
That is only the tip of my nightmare experience but at that point in my life when I was in such a downward spiral and heading into a major depression I wasn’t aware or strong enough to listen to those warning bells that were going off.
Since that point in my life and a few years of therapy I’ve become much better at listening to my warning bells and seeing things for what they are and not HOW I want them to be.
We all have an inner instinct that warns when something is not right. Many of us ignore that warning because we are conditioned to not think bad things of others. For some of us (me 4 years ago) we don’t want to see the truth because we like our own personal vision better. It makes us happier and fills a void within us. Unfortunately there are those who specifically prey on that and exploit it.
Living such a large part of my life online these days I’ve developed a better understanding of what my instinct is telling me and listening to my warning bells. In the past I always had difficulty voicing my feelings or concerns. I’m sure it will come as no surprise that I no longer have that problem so much these days.
I evaluate and judge the people I allow into my life by how they respond to me when there is a problem be it from an actual fact or from a simple misunderstanding of communication. What I’ve learned is that the good type of people I want in my life listen to me. They don’t respond with personal attacks or manipulations. It doesn’t mean that I am always right and stupid shit happens especially when so much communications these days are emails and texts but it means that they listen. My feelings are mine and right or wrong should be acknowledged.
There are a few words that are on the top of my warning bell list. If you’re expressing your feelings to someone and their response or reaction to you includes the following words I recommend you end that communication and walk away.
Any response that includes the words: jealous, crazy, unstable, drama, bitter, selfish, self-centered, negative.
See none of those words actually have anything to do with the conversation. They are all used in a negative sense to smokescreen the actual conversation and allows the person to direct it all back on you instead of actually listening to your feelings and discussing what the actual issues are. (therapy is such a great thing!)
Speaking up for yourself or speaking out does not mean you’re any of those words above. All of those words are used as personal attacks and for many of us they trigger a self-defense in us and instead of discussing the issue at hand we end up spending our time defending ourselves against those words.
Sounds pretty simple to handle but for many of us (myself included) it isn’t as easy as it sounds. I quietly walk away from any type of relationship or friendship where I find the other person doing this cause I know from experience it doesn’t get any better.
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