Four Years – Happy Blog-A-Versary To Me.

It’s that time of year again when I try to write something smart and profound to commemorate that day I started blogging.

There have been so many changes for me in the past four years including a new home for my blog and a new design thanks to AAG. that I wouldn’t know where to start.  So instead of overtaxing my brain trying to remember them all and write something meaningful I decided that I would write about one thing.

Being alone.

This is something my therapist has talked about with me over the past year and something I couldn’t understand when she first asked me. It is something I now know is very important on my road to changing my life and happiness.

When I first started blogging it was because I was in the downward spiral of a nervous breakdown.  I was extremely depressed, unhappy in my marriage and totally clueless of where to begin to change it.  So instead of taking that very difficult step and working hard to change my life I instead took the much easier route of avoidance.

Blogging and being Diva gave me the distractions I needed to avoid my life.  It was the easy way out.  I got attention, friends, fun and could escape the unhappiness that was in my daily life.

There was only one problem.

As I spent more and more effort to avoid my unhappiness that same unhappiness grew and grew until one day I was slammed in the face with it like a Mack truck.

Which brings me back to the being alone part I started this post with.

One day my therapist asked me to try an excercise at home.  She told me to try being alone.

“Huh?”  Was my response.   “I’m alone a lot”

“Are you?” she asked me.

It was then we talked about being alone with no internet, phone or outside connections to anyone and if I could do that.   I thought about how I spend my time when I’m not with my kids and how I deal with the times I feel lonely or unhappy and I realized I was still trying to avoid those moments one way or another.

So I made a conscious effort to change that and by doing that I changed me.  I became emotionally stronger, more independent and able to do the one thing I never could do.

I put myself and my needs first.

These days I cherish the time I have alone and am more than likely to turn down invitations to make sure I have that time.

I very rarely write on my blog these days and treasure my privacy more than ever.  Blogging has helped me become the person I am today and will be in the future along with giving me opportunities that I never dreamed possible just a few short years ago.

I’m ending this post with one of my daughter’s favorite songs that reminds me of life these days.

“The Climb”

I can almost see it.
That dream I’m dreaming, but
There’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it
Every step I’m takin’
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin’
But I gotta keep tryin’
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most
I’ve just gotta keep goin’, and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on movin’
Keep climbin’
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about, it’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

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